Was 1979 a peak year for tarantulas? That summer, they seemed to be crossing every farm-to-market road in Brazos County, Texas. If a peak there was, the decline from it was gentle: well into the 1980s and in Bexar County, I saw plenty. Walked up to them, or they to me. No, wait, only armadillos did the latter. They just sniffed at the toe of my boot. Tarantulas would rear at it.

It's been a long time, time well spent, whatever the tarantulas are up to now.

In the ensuing decades I'd meet someone who in his boyhood had had a pet tarantula. I've mentioned this guy before – the only unicycle owner I ever knew, although I think I also mentioned that I never saw it because it was, he said, back in El Paso, an amazingly handy excuse. He also used to say, often, about a lot of things, "But what do I know? I'm from west Texas" and I never thought he overdid this. As for the tarantula, it passed away, but by his own account my friend was slow to concede this, and at last his parents had to prevail on him not merely to do so but to dispose of the remains.

It's been decades since, but I bet that if the memory comes up, it brings to my friend and his parents a rueful but fond grin.

I once met a woman whose small daughter wanted to show me a picture book, of animals. The pictures were photographs, big ones, and the biggest was of a tarantula. The little girl leafed through the book, telling me about each animal, but when we got to where the two-page closeup of the tarantula was, she insisted we skip it. I told her I had seen tarantulas. She was not happy at this news. However, I assured her I would only peek at the picture, and then immediately turn the page so she didn't have to look. She approved.

One does not start out a gentleman; one approaches, over time, the condition; the advance is fitful; this may have been my biggest leap.

Even so, progress can suffer reverses, and whatever my level of mannered manliness, there's always going to be some boyishness. I am now reading a good deal more, and not from books. I did not know that tarantulas are eaten by anything. Well, they are. Hope I didn't ruin anyone's meal, or day, with THAT news.

I was going to title this piece I Don't Know About YOU But I Am At The END Of MY Food Chain, but life has of course shown me that we all always have been.

That food datum was in an article saying tarantula populations are affected by climate change. Or global warming. Or, maybe just warming? Tarantulas themselves are sort of global, I will admit, although I have never seen any in the wild outside Texas. I did however learn the Portuguese word for tarantula, caranguejeira, obviously related to the word for crab, carangueja. This at the snake park in São Paulo. They had all kinds of critters there.

And I bet they still do! I also bet that not even Brazilians think climate change causes inflation. Life's curiosities may have simple explanations, such as "We printed too much money" or "Summer in Texas is hot."

My opening paragraph made it sound as if I hadn't seen any tarantulas in Texas since the 1980s. But I have. A month or so ago, right here in Caldwell County. It was small, small enough to fit on a silver dollar. And it was not active. It latterly occurred to me that I carry a Tracfone in my bicycle baggage and I could've used it to take a picture. I have no regrets. A verbal report should suffice. A WRITTEN report should suffice.

After all these years, I still think telephones are for telephonics.

(7/26/22)